Comments on Reverend0's Pulpit: Replies

Amanda said:"The way I'm seeing it (not having rea...

2008-06-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

Amanda said:

"The way I'm seeing it (not having read the book) is that parents push their children to be smarter, faster, better"

My children will be cyborgs. They will be smarter, faster, better... they will also have lasers that come out of their hands and missile launchers in their forearms.

They will also be programmed to be spontaneous in approved manners.

Ok.I am in that boat. I really hope I don't proje...

2008-06-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

Ok.

I am in that boat. I really hope I don't project too much on Miranda. It will likely be hard. If you remember Mr. Farah, he would always tell the story of his father telling all his kids that your will be either a doctor or an engineer. It's kinda funny, but in the end all the kids did go into engineering. I would hope that they are happy. Really that is something to be strived for. Although, happiness should not involve broke, starving artist boyfriend living in my basement. I guess I am projecting a bit on my daughter....

But that really begs the question, how can we be role models and not project our desires on our kids? Projecting just values will inherently pass along our same desires. Maybe we should but to keep it positive.

Hi Amanda, and yes, that is the idea. I think the ...

2008-06-15T01:02:00.000-07:00

Hi Amanda, and yes, that is the idea. I think the idea of having to compete in a global market (which is so scary to my generation to grasp), we are worried that our kids will somehow be left behind. Idian kids go to school aged 3! Woah, that means we have to send our kid at 2.5 years, dosn't it?

WHen I take a look what separates the winners from the losers in the job market, it is NOT the technical skills we learn at school. It is the personal and interpersonal skills that we learn IN BETWEEN classes. So the earlier we send kids to school, and away from play groups and families, the worse they will be off in these critical skills... which is exactly what I see happening with many of the Indian and Chinese folks I worked with: brilliant engineers, measly team players. In short: I will take a slightly less educated engineer with interpersonal skills over the genius that tears the team apart.

The root causes I see?
* lack of understanding at the gut level what it takes to make a decent living (most of us will not be Bill Gates)
* lack of filtering of irrelevant information ("truth" is a LOCAL concept!)
* obsession with what is measurable (grades) above the less explained "soft" skills
* parental frustration in their jobs (look at what so and so across the country makes), being projected onto our kids ("my son better be better than me!", I actually heard that one from a father)

Overall, it is time for a big timeout to understand what it takes to have a functioning society. Technical skills will feed us, but will also let us drift apart as a community. It scares me a bit here in Germany how much the haves and have-nots are separating in an ongoing process. Mind you, I am by no means a socialist, but my son needs to be able to live outside a gated community...

J

2. pressure to perform makes parents push kids har...

2008-06-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

2. pressure to perform makes parents push kids harder than they can actually take

The way I'm seeing it (not having read the book) is that parents push their children to be smarter, faster, better ... sometimes to the detriment of their overall health and development.

I recently spent a fair amount of time with theatre parents, and man, can they be hard on their kids. And you see it in all areas. Instead of letting their children have fun, or encourage the joy of learning, they focus on results. They want their kids to be perfect. At everything. They don't want their kids to be average, they expect them to be the best. Either because they feel it's their job as parents, because it's how they were treated growing up, because they think how good their children are at something is a reflection on them in society, or for any number of reasons. But pushing too hard can cause damage. You have to find a balance, and many people aren't able to do that. I see it every day.